wild animal tales

have have spent some time over the past week thinking about why domestication is so diffucult for me. i have MANY ideas but most of them are still rolling around in my brain, trying to work themselves out. for now, let's take a look back at when i was free as a bird and as feral as a coyote.

date: mother's day ca. 2001
the scene: my parent's house
my entire mom's side of the family is gathered having a lovely, pleasant gathering involving lunch and gifts for grandma. i bust onto the scene more than 2 hours late, doing the walk of shame in a fraternity t-shirt and smelling like a brewery. i can hardly function on the 2 hours of sleep i got and am having difficulty focusing and forming sentences. nic showing, asshole.

date: the night before my college graduation
the scene: my dad telling me to take it easy when i go out tonight because graduation is going to be looong and the forecast for the day is like 105 degrees.
the scene later: 6 shots and 10 beers in i am line dancing my ass off when the bar closes at 2am. i promptly take the party back to my parents house and the good times roll until roughly, i pass out cold.
next day: call time for graduation is 8am and i am pretty sure i might die. i have to sit in an effing black gown for 3.5 hours in the scorching june sun. no chance of june gloom this day...oh no! why would God give me a break when i had CLEARLY ignored my father's wise warning? the worst was that after graduation there was a party in my honor where everyone was toasting me and i was in the bathroom puking.

the date: sometime in 2004-2005
the scene: a bar. this was a particularly awesome couple of years for me and my best friend, moisha. she is my partner in crime but funnily, she has managed to adapt to all of this wife nonsense very well. i just don't get it. anyhow, we were in a skanky bar with some of our guy friends from college. all of a sudden, in the middle of a particularly strenuous drinking move, my shoe breaks. i am shoeless. does this prompt me to go home, or to a SHOE STORE? no. i just cannot be inconvienienced by this. i not only go all the way through happy hour, but later to a party in a fraternity house. with no effing shoes on. it really is no wonder why i don't get sick. ever. my immune system is the man of steel.

there are a million stories like this and for many of them, i even have photos! i will share them as the memories creep back in. this isn't easy, you see because a) i was drunk all the time and b) i already have a crap memory.