merry christmas!

the holidays have me feeling uninspired. so do a ton of failures in the kitchen lately. it seems like every recipe i try either falls short or flat on it's ass. with another long weekend here i am going to try a few other things:

monkey bread (if i screw this up i am officially never baking again)
meatload (pioneer woman)
fried chicken (paula deen)

as you can see, resolutions start monday :)

are you making black eyed peas and collard greens this weekend? i think i might pick some up...my horoscope promised wealth would be coming my way and so a little extra help couldn't hurt, could it?

say hi to my tree, decorated by my husband who is good with these things.


say hi to my puppies.



i'll be back tomorrow with (hopefully) a very inspired and inspiring post to kick off 2011.

hmmmm

what does it mean when the tought running through your head is, "i want to go home" but you are already at home?

i don't know either.

my favorite things part 1

So in the spirit of the season, here are some gifts to anyone reading. you are welcome!


GROUPON

"If you don't know, now you know." This site is VITAL. Today I got Billy a stock car driving experience usually $369 for $165, myself a $105 spa experience for $39 and had to log off before I could spend anymore money. It is ah.maz.ing.


SKIP TO MY LOU


I just found this but the handmade gift ideas section has me foaming at the mouth to make gifts.


LOLALINDA



I am in love here. Every time I read it it inspires me and really does remind me that I have a sweet life :)


MY CAMERA.

She's not new, she's not fancy, but with the help of many, many blogs/websites/conversations with others/and a few lens purchases, she has made me very happy!

THIS PHOTO
I can't remember where I snagged this image but I am looking and will hopefully have a link to that photog's site ASAP. If it is the last.thing.I.do. I will have a picture of Billy and I like this.

MY WEDDING SHOES

And anything else L.A.M.B.


VEUVE

Thank you Meredith and Eileen :)

click!

i haven't picked up my camera in days. like a week. it's my favorite hobby and i'm uninspired. might be because i had high hopes for this series of photos and they didn't turn out.


and then i had high hopes for this one, too but alas, they suck. i was experiementing but still. i don't like to do things poorly so i haven't picked it up again. i am going to tallahassee this week and they have the most beautiful spanish moss so i will try and get out there. if the images suck, i will spare you from having to see them here. maybe...probably.

NEVERMIND! blogger won't let me upload images and i am tired and had a stressful day so i.am.out.

into the rabbit hole

as i slip deeper and deeper in to this obsession with home decorating, i can't help but think that this may be fulfilling a void that was left after i didn't have my wedding to plan anymore. i can't believe that i am finally taking an active interest in our home. actually, i can't believe that i haven't before. it's embarrassing and sad but, please. we all know that the wife of the year award isn't being bestowed on my ass.

there is one part of this humble (and do i EVER mean humble) abode that has irked, repelled and at some points straight disgusted me and that is the red walled-blue cabinet/counter topped kitchen. i hate you kitchen. these days i am all about not having any hate in my heart but i kid you not, i hate you. you are awful. nothing about you makes me happy, in fact quite the opposite is true. you are an eyesore but i just don't know what the hell to do with you. everything about you sucks including your shape, size and design but mark my words...i.will.conquer.you. so live it up, ugly, because your days are numbered. see ya!

current:


so embarrassing it pains me to share.

inspiration and dreams for the future (this update has to happen if we ever hope to rent this place out so while NO, i absolutely DO NOT plan to live in this house for much longer, this change will help make us money):

images from the happy home and oh joy!

i realize that there is no cohesion with these 3 pictures. let me explain breifly. the first is unrealistic for us with all the white but the layout is exactly like our kitchen only 3x as large. the 2nd is clean and shiny, just like i like it and 3rd is rustic and has the feel of our house. what i am going to try for is the lighting and island in #1 with the clean, minimal, shiny feel of #2 and use the natural touches of #3 to keep in the feel of our house. (i realize #3 is not a kitchen, but inspiration comes from different places)

once i actually convince people to read this blog i plan on asking for advice, but until then i will continue to make plans and begin projects without my husband's opinion because i know he will help me finish them and it saves me the pain of his 2nd guessing me :) i need to try and err on my own.

look at me! i am definitely feeling like a real wife with this new obsession. we'll see how i feel after i am in tallahassee and the gulf coast this week for work. chances are preeeettty good that i will return exhausted just happy to have a home, husband and dogs to come back to and all of my ambition will be put on the back burner. i hope not, though, because i am really excited about creating something that i am proud of.

by the way...

I went and got some paint to do the downstairs bathroom. I am hoping that it comes out this color:

and call me crazy but we are seriously considering this wall decal. there is something about it we both like so when visitors come over and wonder what the hell we were thinking, we will both take the blame.

you can check out all the funky stuff at http://www.whatisblik.com/

repeat after me...

6 Simple Steps for More Abundance
by Jessica Crawford

- Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

- Enjoy and celebrate the luxuries you have

- Create a vision board or an "intentional collage"

- Transform your home into a symbol of abundance

- Use feng shui to assist you in attracting more abundance and prosperity

- Eradicate any feelings of want or lack

You can read the entire article here:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/6-simple-tips-for-more-abundance-and-prosperity

Isn't Thanksgiving a great time to focus on being greatful for what we have and deciding to have as much as we want?

bad blogger, bad

okay, i am back. and something has GOT to be done about this house. it looks nearly the same as it did when i first started visiting my husband here and it just can't go on. maybe my motivation will inspire hubby to get out in the backyard at some point and clean it up.

anyhow, here is what i like:

at first it kind of lacks any kind of cohesion but i learned something recently. there is no right, there is no wrong, there only IS. there are elements in each of these that i like. the trouble will be with fusing them to fit our home but i am confident i will end up with exactly what i want. beginning with the bathroom downstairs that i started and never finished this summer. i WILL finish it this week and next weekend!!! i WILL, i tell you! i will even post pictures to show you.

No Such Thing

There is no such thing as perfect. I will never be the perfect wife. I don't even know what that looks like! I certainly don't know any, so what would I model myself after? I think I will just be me but try and be the best me that I can. I like to think that I am constantly considerate of my husband and others but I could be better at it. I could be better at my job with more effort on planning and preparation, I could be a better cook, tennis player, gardener, photographer but I will never be perfect at any of these things. I need to pick something to truly excel at and have fun with all the rest.

I choose to be best at my relationships. All of them. At the advice of Depak Chopra, I will give each person I come into contact with a gift. Whether it be a physical gift or a compliment, prayer or smile, I will be a giver.

Counting my blessings as we speak!

reasons that i love whole foods market

1. the staff member who saw that i had 6 apples in my hands trying to open a produce bag and did it for me. that just doesn't happen elsewhere.

2. the juice bar. enough said.

3. the hot/salad bar at lunch. they have THE BEST oil free balsamic dressing, tuna salad, black eyed peas, (uhhh, the brown rice is almost always hard - consider yourself warned) and steamed veggies.

4. self checkout

5. free samples of gelato!

i will not be going to any whole foods today but i will be going near one :) i miiiight have to stop by!

slack ass

so obviously i am a slacker. i am pretty much going to blame this on jen lancaster. i just emerged from my 4th of her books in a row. and i still have 1 more to go. this chick got me with pretty in plaid and i continue to gobble her books up one by one, devouring every word.

but i thought that i would get back on here and not give up. so, here i am.


lately i have definitely waivered between my footloose and fancy free self and my responsible self. it is summer so i think there has been a lot more fun and a lot less cooking, cleaning, sewing or gardening.


just this weekend i have gotten back in to sewing and actually finished my friend's wedding gift blanket. guess who is lame and forgot to sew the monogram on before she sewed the blanket together? so you can see the stitches on the back. guess who doesn't care? my husband told me that handmade is always appreciated. p.s. i also got her 2 items off of her registry so i don't suck too much.

it is wool felt for the body of the blanket and different cotton prints that i ordered off of various websites. all of the prints reminded me of her wedding and i ordered samples of dozens of prints before i got these that all worked together. so, there ya go. it only took me...3? 4? months to complete. yay me!

i actually have been cooking dinner, though it doesn't feel like it because we have eaten out 5 of our last 6 meals. in the past 2 weeks we have had...damn! i can't even remember anything but the pork chops. but obviously i am doing something right...billy has gained 10 lbs.! on the downside, i did. damn. back to being disciplined tomorrow.

on the other hand, there was the 4th of july, girls night with nicole and mer, and maybe a few hungover sunday mornings due to consumption and competitive dominoes tournaments with billy on saturday night but...what cha gonna do?!?

wah-wah

i have been pretty busy! wait, no i haven't. i just had 1 baby shower and meredith came to town (of which i have no photos) and worked. not even traveled, by the way. just worked locally.

anyhow, here are scenes from chrissy's shower:

the hand sanitizer favors i ordered. chrissy does not care much for germs.

i did the cake. it is hummingbird cake and it was a little bitch to bake. i suck at making frosting - it tasted amazing but melted right off the cake! same with the cupcakes. i also did the veggie tray and forgot the celery and tomatoes. i am a wreck.

this was supposed to be the Bakerella pudding cups but i got tired and never finished them. i would insert a link to Bakerella but i don't know how.

mmmm. red velvet. cute cupcake cups are a waste when working with this medium.

bloody mess!

so then i went out to my car this morning to grab the shampoo i bought and forgot about until i was about to step in to the shower and saw this guy:

doesn't his neck look like a little periscope poking out of it's shell? maybe i should name him "red october"...his shell does have red on it.

i am so in love with this turtle that lives in our yard. he does not, sadly, love me.

different kind of awww:

cayenne is salavating. she would absolutely munch that poor guy up. side note: look at that white face. when did my baby get so old???

more scenes from my yard. i am totally in love with all of this right now.

do you know what those yellow flowers mean? tomatoes are coming soon!

my prized hydrangeas!!! except they've never gotten a prize and i don't grow them, B does.

but aren't they beautiful?!?!

my cactus that reminds me of home. hearty thing, too. i hardly give it a thought and it just keeps on living. thanks for that, cactus. kind of reminds me of me when i first moved here. i'll have to write a post about that time in life.

ACKKKKKK. humidity is a real bitch. look at that mess.

why do things have to be so hard?

in particular, why does not shopping have to be so hard?

tales from the enchanted forest

first off, i don't think that "forest" has 2 r's but it might and if so, forgive me. i am too lazy to spell check. if you haven't figured out that i am lazy by now by my lack of capital letters, here is my official admission. whatever.

so any day now the department of forestry (forrestry?) or fish and game or whatever is going to come here and quarden our front yard as an official bird refuge. it's totally insane. not to mention, these birds are pigs and extremely ingrateful. i provide food for them:

and they spill it all over the front porch:

please excuse the dilapidated condition of our front porch. this is husband's problem, not mine.

that bird feeder was full not 2 weeks ago. furthermore, it is supposed to be squirrel-proof and it is absolutely not. i find those fat asses up on there all the time. and even when i don't actually catch them in the act, when the thing is swinging like a tornado just ripped through, it's a dead give away that one of them just jumped off.

this bird situation is no joke. in the evening you hear no less than 7 different KINDS of bird chirps and calls. this one bird family sets up nest in our garage every year. over the weekend, B helped the baby birds learn to fly. he actually was scooping them up and helping them fly. that's weird, right?

yesterday morning, i heard a weird noise and looked out at the feeder and there was a woodpecker on it trying to peck through to the plastic to get to the good stuff in the feeder! apparently not all of the seeds in there are good enough, hence the mess on the porch. i planted some onions in the planter below the feeder and it is constatly overgrown with weeds that i have to pick!!! B pointed out that it's probably all the seeds. ungrateful ahole birds.

in my diet-pill fueled haze i just realized that i wrote a post about the birds in my yard. who am i?!?

so lame

well it's official that i am a lame blogger. however, i have an excuse this time and while i HATE excuses more than life, this one is a tiny bit legit: i regressed this weekend and am having to be housebroken all over again.

i waved all domestic responsibilities good-bye on thursday and went to the beach with 25 friends for the wedding of the year. (it's 2010 now and i was married in 2009 - different years, you see?) we all stayed in this magnificent house on the beach with an elevator, a pool and a putting green with a sand trap. magnificent, i tell you.

i didn't drive myself there, i roomed with some of my besties, i didn't cook, clean or even fix my own cocktails. there was someone there to do everything for me! it's like when a dog goes out into the woods for awhile and become a little bit feral and when they come home you have to train them all over again. B wasn't able to come so i didn't even have a husband to care for!

well, i guess today i have to start that process. sunday when i got home i wa sick with sinus yuck and B had already cleaned our house, cooked me dinner, put fresh sheets on the bed and later, he even tucked me in to bed! monday i was still sick and so he baked me chocolate chip cookies and made me sandwiches for dinner. do you see?!? how am i supposed to become the domestic wife that i am supposed to be if everyone keeps doing everything for me?

starting tonight i will cook dinner and i think it will involve meat. meat always helps. and then i will start sewing the wedding gift i am making for my friends. that should ease me right back into the swing of things around here.

now...how the hell am i going to motivate myself to work today?!? that's another thing all together.

i = housewife extrordinare

tonight i made roasted chicken with homemade potatoes au gratin with my secret recipe and angelfood strawberry shortcake!!! go me :)

while watching jeopardy tonight i had an amazing idea! i would like to produce a christmas play this year of; a chraistmas carrol gone rasta. instead of jacob marley narrating it would be bob marley and it would take place in jamaica. anyone willing to back this endeavor, let me know. i would rock this little production!

slumdog sleep inn. fing gross.

so the stuffed chicken breasts were amazing and i FINALLY got a noteworth response from the husband. B raved over them like he had never tasted cheese before. i was so proud i fell asleep. all in a hard days work ;)

so on the southern tour that is my anti-glam life i am sitting in a disgusting sleep inn in athens, alabama. so pissed. i didn't book my hotel room in huntsville in time and they were all booked because of some conference. this is a smoking room - it smells like the dunes hotel/casino in vegas ca. 1945. can't wait to roll into the health food store tomorrow am reeking of stale ciggies.

i have now laid out my clothes i wore today all over my side of the bed so that i don't touch a single linen in this flea bag. i wish i owned a gun...and a permit to have the gun...maybe if i drove around in a little motorhome with all of the convience and cleanliness of home instead of a civic. now that's something to think about for my little vagabond life! i might even put a "free bird" bumper sticker on it!

i guess for tonight i will listen to the magical melody of the fing freeway and let myself drift off to sleep. even though it is 8:09pm. the sooner i sleep through this nightmare, the sooner i will wake up and get the f out.

on a last thought, though. i look around places in these po-dunk southern towns that i go to and think, "how did i get from sunny, sparkly southern california to here?" and i am not one to judge a book by it's cover (well, i don't do it ALL the time!!!) but when the clerk in the hotel ISN'T WEARING SHOES i tend to wonder WHY, God, WHY?!?! is this a test? maybe. especially when i get to the dumpy room and the only channel that comes in clearly is MTV and there is a hills marathon on. RUB IT IN WHY DON'T YOU!!!

too chicken to try it? not me.

stuffed chicken breasts tonight. i was inspired by seeing some at fresh market and instead of buying them i decided to make my own. i trolled the internet for ideas and used a hybrid of about 3. here is what i did:

- first i made breadcrumbs

i had bought this little mini food chopper on black friday 3 years ago for like $14 and had never used it. it was really convienient, easy to use and easy to clean. i will definitely use it again soon.

- then i made the stuffing; jack and extra sharp cheddar cheeses both cavit, ortega chilis and bacon (mine was sans bacon but billy lives it so i added it to his)

- pounded the chicken

- stuffed the chicken

note to self: next time buy actial toothpicks and don't just break apart skewers for kabobs.

- dipped them in flour (with seasoning), then dipped them in egg, then dipped them in the breadcrumbs with more seasoning.

should have processed the bread crumbs longer. oh well.

i haven't cooked them yet but am about to. i took a break to watch jeopardy. i'll keep you posted!

hospitality...huh?

today was one of those super weird days that makes you literally scratch your head and say (out loud) what the f just happened?!?

it started out innocently enough with my working my way to mobile, al. i have been here a bunch of times and have found it to be a very normal place. apparently there must be some kind of spring fever in the air because this place is full of the friendliest, chattiest and quite frankly, the SCARIEST people ever.

scene - i walk in to a restaurant to get takeout to take back to my hotel but i have been in the car for 4+ hours and have to pee. as i am rushing to the restroom the manager says, "restrooms are closed." errrrrerrrrt. i practically skid to a halt. "are you joking?" "yes" he tells me. seeing as i am about to pee in my pants i say, "not funny" and run into the bathroom. when i come out i am in much higher spirits and we have a laugh about it. i am later sitting at the bar waiting for my salad and he tells all of the bar patrons about our little joke. he is like my bff!!!

while sitting at this bar enjoying a little glass of ravenswood zin (delicioso) one waiter comes up to me and asks me if i am the new hostess manager. huh? "well you are wearing all black and our hostesses wear all black." oh, well, okay then. he SOMEHOW manages to extract out of me my life story and it turns out that he lived in tustin, ca for awhile when he escaped pensacola and his large, overbearing family. but his mother needed him and so he came back to be nearer to her. all of this within 2 minutes. he is like a verbal ninja.

scene - hobby lobby 5 minutes post bar incident. i am buying raffia for some raffle boxes for a customer. a girl in front of me in line comments on my engagement/wedding bands. i notice she has an engagement ring on, tell her how pretty it is and in the next 3 minutes while we are checking out she manages to give me so much detail about her DIY beach wedding that i probably could have been her on-site coordinator day of.

scene - gas station. i am buying water for middle of the night thirsties and the man behind the counter gets me to tell him all about my job, and i listen to every single place he was ever stationed in the 30 years he was in the army.

HOW does this keep happening??? is it me? i am not very nice and certainly know nothing about "southern hospitality" even though i have lived down here 4 years. was i just ultra approachable today? doubt it. i think that people here, once winter is over, come alive with happiness that they cannot contain. a far cry from so california when everyone is too cool for even themselves. i felt like i was walking around mayberry for f's sake!

there was another scene from the hotel lobby when the receptionist that i know a bit from staying here and i had a pretty graphic convo about men and their lewd remarks. obvi we were talking about someplace far away from the emerald city that is mobile ;)

is this what saturday feels like?

i have an entire saturday to myself today. i have no earthly idea what to do with myself, i don't have saturdays to myself. i don't give myself saturdays because i have a confession; i fear them. i have been operating at this feverish pace for so long that if i slow down, i'll just stop all together. come to a screeching halt and i would be rendered immobile.

if i actually discover what the mythical "lazy saturday" holds, is it going to draw me in? am i going to become a 2 day off a week addict? am i going to feel entitled to this kind of freedom? for now i am going to deem today a one off, enjoy it and then forget it. the day stretches out before me like vacation. it's kind of like found money. i have a whole found day!

slacker

i am a blogging slacker, a workout slacker, a homemaker slacker, friend slaker, and gardening slacker. the only thing that i am not slacking on is work - only because it is so damn demanding right now! i am working on finding a balance. we'll see how that work out.

i got a sewing machine! it has been forever since i sewed and so i am having to take it slow and learn everything again. i am working with appliques right now so be on the look out in your mail. you might be getting some of my practice projects. i am so ridiculously excited about all of the possibilities of what i can create! maybe that's all i needed all along...a creative outlet. or, quite possibly, sewing is going to add to my anxiety even more!

thinking about balance and priorities, i think about how different everyone's life is. in my life i balance home and marriage life, work, friends, dogs, exercise/staying active, tennis, restaurant and now sewing projects (we'll see). there are other things that come up but this is the basics that make up my life right now. where would i ever fit a kid in to that? how does nicole (and countless other mothers out there but she is the closest to me) do it? i have no idea but i am in awe of her and all women like her.

being in sales is like having 50 bosses. i have more than 50 customers that rely on me and that i have to make happy on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. i guess they are a lot like my life. i do what i can for them, give them the attention they need and deserve, and then they are satisfied until another need arises.

in my life, i give each area the attention it needs until i am satisfied with where i am with it and then can set it aside and give attention to another part. the dogs get attention, they are satisfied, they leave me alone. i go to tennis practice, work hard, it ends and i put it aside until the next time. i go to the restaurant, work, collect my tips and go home and don't think about it until i am there again. the only problem with this is my real job. i carry it with me wherever i go. every bad/unsatisying interaction, every dollar NOT sold, i bring home and let affect my marriage/social interactions/home life. i guess i have found the part that needs balancing. does anyone know how to do this? i need help.

tales from my marriage

got a friendly reminder today that being married 4 months does not make us experts on either marriage or eachother.

this evening i went upstairs to change out of my work clothes and into gardening clothes to pull weeds. there was a wasp buzzing around our room. (atlanta has been taken over by wasps in the past 2 weeks. they are EVERYWHERE...this was the 3rd in a week i have found in the house) i called husband up to kill it and when he did i noticed that the screen on the window is bent. i told him that we needed to bend the screen back. he said, "i don't think it came in through there." okay, where did it come from? "they could be coming in from anywhere, there could be a nest in the attic." HUH???

he then turned and walked downstairs like this scenario is okay with him. i then said some things that were probably not nice including, "i'm not going to live here if you think wasps are okay."

i sat there, dumbfounded. if i ever thought for 1 milisecond that there wasa wasp nest in our attic the exterminator would be on the phone already. but that is obviously a differece between me and the man i am spending the rest of my life with. i explained to him how unacceptable this comment was and he totally got it. HUH???

he said that he thinks the wasp probably did come in the crack in the screen. HUH???

did he just say the thing about the wasp nest to rile me up? was that comment a result of him getting defensive over a SCREEN?

there is still so much to learn about marriage and eachother. i love him so much, i hope there will always be something new to learn from eachother but absolutely not that my husband thinks it is okay to live with wasps in our house.

wild animal tales

have have spent some time over the past week thinking about why domestication is so diffucult for me. i have MANY ideas but most of them are still rolling around in my brain, trying to work themselves out. for now, let's take a look back at when i was free as a bird and as feral as a coyote.

date: mother's day ca. 2001
the scene: my parent's house
my entire mom's side of the family is gathered having a lovely, pleasant gathering involving lunch and gifts for grandma. i bust onto the scene more than 2 hours late, doing the walk of shame in a fraternity t-shirt and smelling like a brewery. i can hardly function on the 2 hours of sleep i got and am having difficulty focusing and forming sentences. nic showing, asshole.

date: the night before my college graduation
the scene: my dad telling me to take it easy when i go out tonight because graduation is going to be looong and the forecast for the day is like 105 degrees.
the scene later: 6 shots and 10 beers in i am line dancing my ass off when the bar closes at 2am. i promptly take the party back to my parents house and the good times roll until roughly, i pass out cold.
next day: call time for graduation is 8am and i am pretty sure i might die. i have to sit in an effing black gown for 3.5 hours in the scorching june sun. no chance of june gloom this day...oh no! why would God give me a break when i had CLEARLY ignored my father's wise warning? the worst was that after graduation there was a party in my honor where everyone was toasting me and i was in the bathroom puking.

the date: sometime in 2004-2005
the scene: a bar. this was a particularly awesome couple of years for me and my best friend, moisha. she is my partner in crime but funnily, she has managed to adapt to all of this wife nonsense very well. i just don't get it. anyhow, we were in a skanky bar with some of our guy friends from college. all of a sudden, in the middle of a particularly strenuous drinking move, my shoe breaks. i am shoeless. does this prompt me to go home, or to a SHOE STORE? no. i just cannot be inconvienienced by this. i not only go all the way through happy hour, but later to a party in a fraternity house. with no effing shoes on. it really is no wonder why i don't get sick. ever. my immune system is the man of steel.

there are a million stories like this and for many of them, i even have photos! i will share them as the memories creep back in. this isn't easy, you see because a) i was drunk all the time and b) i already have a crap memory.

reality t.v. - not for sissys

let's first start off with the real housewives of nyc. i am pretty sure that they are all losers. these women are seriously, pretty lame. i cannot stand bethenny and her big, joker-like features and think that she should never, under any circumstances (unless it is halloween and she is actually dressing up as the joker) wear red lipstick again. her whole face just looks like mouth when she does. ramona belongs in a trailer park somewhere outside of st. louis, mo. and poor alex is married to a gay guy! they don't even have any real drama, no skanks amongst them (i.e. gretchen from o.c.), and the only bit of drama they do have - luann's divorce - they don't even talk about any of the juicy details! i want new jersey back! but not atlanta, i hate atlanta housewives, this town is nothing like it gets portrayed through those mentally ill women's eyes.

16 and pregnant breaks my heart so i am not watching that anymore.

food? oh, am i supposed to supply that?

homecooked meals in past week: 0
sandwiches eaten: 6
easy mac cups consumed: at least 3
buffets: 1
beers: probably close to 30

*these numbers represent our household, not me by myself

i am a little gun shy about cooking again after the empanada escapade. this has resulted in the above statistics. does this kind of laziness make me a bad wife? probably not. when wild animals are being domesticated they sometimes slip up, right? shamu anyone? okay, so now that we have established that i am an actual GOOD wife...even if due to effort/intention alone, let's get down to business.

i need motivation/recipes. there is only so many ideas you can get off of kraft.com and foodnetwork.com. especially when my ingredient list is limited to 5 items because any more than that intimidates me.

lately i have been thinking a lot about the 1950's housewives and how i am supposed to contribute the same, domestically, that they were and still have a career. and i am not talking about a telephone operator career. i work my ass off and travel, damnit. and i love it! and i am good at it! UNLIKE the domestic duties i feel obligated to. honestly, i think that i am living my grandma rose's life. i swear! she was the career woman, owning a business and following her ambition while my grandfather worked the steady job, not really jumping at any chances to take a risk. my grandmother's business chance paid off - and she has been tearing it up ever since. (mind you she is still working at 86 which i find a wee bit obsessive but she has to in order to fuel her gambling and champaign hobbies)

i digress. do you know what GENIUS solution my grandma rose came up with so that she could "do it all"??? A WEEKLY MENU! she cooked the same 7 things EVERY WEEK! she is sooo smart!!! mind you, this situation has resulted in my dad's hatred of escarole soup, but details, smetials. every week, people! my weekly menu would consist of the following:

Monday (summer): shrimp and spinach salad
Monday (winter): tortilla soup

Tuesday: casserole involving ground turkey, stewed tomatoes, brown rice, and cheese

Wednesday: chicken cabobs with vidalia onions, red bell peppers, mushrooms and tomatos
(alternate: gyros. i have tennis practice wednesdays and giorgios takeout would be great)

Thursday: fish, asparagus, rice pilaf and corn on the cob

Friday: either tacos made at home or mexican

Saturday: PIZZA!!!!

Sunday (summer): steak, baked potato, salad and cheddar buscuits
Sunday (winter): homemade pasta sauce (grandma rose's) with salad

honestly...this could be my week. the only problem would be that i would need a) someone to shop for all of it b) someone to prepare and make it and c) an effing miracle to make my husband eat any of the shit on this list, exluding the pizza, gyros and steak.

things that make you go hmmm? vol.1

why do my razors need to be "mango" colored? can't they make them out of flippin recycled sprite bottles and knock $2 off the price? while i love the person who decided that we should groom up and shave our legs...i do not appreciate being ripped off just to get a quality razor that won't rip my skin off.

i also love the person who invented toilet paper but i resent having to pay $13 for a 3 month supply. shouldn't such a basic need such as toilet paper be free? like air?

good wife...almost

so after being away from the home and husband for about 10 days, it took awhile to get back in the swing of things. after a week of being back my suitcase still wasn't unpacked. and i have to say, i have the best husband. B is a neat freak and he knew i was working hard so he didn't even hassle me about it. love him. this sight graced the LIVING ROOM FLOOR for a week. that's right, i never even took it upstairs.



in return for the understanding i made him cookies. he likes yellow cake cookies and i like making them because they are easy. there were, however, some problems with this plan; the first being that my kitchen is too small to have my kitchen-aid out all the time and so pulling it out of the bottom of the pantry is a pain in the ass. i did not pull out the mixer this time and my arms are not strong enough to mix the batter with the requisite 2 eggs and 1/2 cup of oil. and so, like the lazy housewife that i am, i added a bit more oil and egg to the mixture which resulted in this mushiness:



and this:


FLAT COOKIES :( i added a bit of flour to them and the other batches came out better.




yay! not that flat!

the day after the cookies, i was apparently feeling martha-esque and decided to make a paula deen recipe for empanadas that i had seen on foodnetwork.com. it seemed totally easy. i went to the grocery and got all 5 ingredients (this is the optimum number for any recipe i attempt)and started making them. i am including the recipe below so that you can all laugh at how easy this shit was.

needless to say, "easy" involved a gigantic mess and me flipping out at B for not being enthusiastic enough over them after all my hard work! poor husband. i apparently wanted a parade and all he could muster (after waiting 3 hours to eat) was a, "these are good baby."

oh yeah! and towards the end of this process i was totally over cutting out those stupid little cirlces and so i just made one BIG one with all of the leftover crust. it was the size of a calzone and i ate the whole thing. i just figure less carbs because less crust, right?




Ingredients
3 cups chopped, cooked chicken
1 (8-ounce) package shredded Colby and Monterey Jack cheese blend
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup chopped red bell pepper
1 jalapeno, seeded and chopped
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 (15-ounce) package refrigerated pie crusts
Water
Directions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Lightly grease a baking sheet. In a large bowl, combine the chicken and next 7 ingredients. Unroll 1 piecrust onto a lightly floured surface. Roll into a 15-inch circle. Cut out rounds, using a 3-inch cookie cutter. Re-roll dough as needed. Repeat procedure with remaining piecrusts, making 12 to 15 circles total. Arrange 1 round on a clean, flat surface. Lightly brush the edges of crust with water. Place 1 heaping teaspoon of chicken mixture in the center of the round. Fold the dough over the filling, pressing the edges with a fork to seal. Repeat with the remaining rounds and chicken mixture. (Up to this point, the recipe can be made ahead and frozen for up to 1 month). Arrange empanadas on the prepared baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes.